Enough Blood Has Been Shed
I am done,
I no longer choose to participate
in this undeclared war,
with you or anyone else.
I do not want to fight,
you are not my enemy,
though apparently you
do not feel the same,
you see me as your nemesis .
Why?
I am tired of feeling sad,
and being wounded,
at the hands of those I love.
You need to win,
alright,
I can declare you the winner!
Do you feel better?
I hope so,
I would like you to be happy;
truly.
But I am just no longer willing
to pay the price,
you demand,
for a seat at your table.
Today you love me,
you boldly declare;
and I wildly rejoice!
Then the sun sets,
and the moon rises,
I believe all is well with the world,
as I say goodnight;
but by the time the sun returns
you no longer have room for me.
Why?
I do not understand,
what changed,
I ask;
but you have no answer,
in your world of moving metrics,
you simply no longer like exactly what –
where I live,
what I wear,
or is it my birth order?
I am still the same,
this is who I am
who I have always been.
Yesterday,
when you felt alone,
rejected,
and unloved
I was good enough,
but not today.
Why?
Do you feel your prospects improving,
anticipating blowing out your birthday candles,
opening your Christmas gifts,
and ringing in the New Year,
with someone different,
and more to your liking?
I could understand,
why not try me,
do you really not think
I deserve the truth;
I guess your actions
have already answered no.
You think this is a game,
I see you keeping score,
but for me,
this is not an amusement,
to pass the time,
it is my life,
and the only life I will lead.
I do not want to play anymore,
I am not having fun,
I feel time running out,
and I am still sitting here asking
the exact same questions,
which have gone unanswered
for a life time.
Surrender is harder than I thought,
but it is pointless to fight for any love alone;
I do not understand,
but I finally accept that I never will.
Enough blood has been shed,
you win,
you all win,
I am done.
~ Cristina Jill Mosqueda ~
