The Dialogue

“Here’s a little help with your deposit!”



I will admit that is the line that has kept me from previously sharing this letter. My Mother did not put an actual date on the letter, as so often was the case, and I foolishly, so often did not keep the envelopes letters were mailed in to me.

I am embarrassed to share that my Mother would have sent me money for a deposit, maybe it is pride, but I think it is more the recognition that money was always such difficult issue for her.

My Mother and I had a great relationship when it came to money; we often lent each other money and always knew we could count on each other. When things changed in my life with Kate, it was our privilege and honor to be able to be a blessing to my Mother; though that did not stop her from sending us checks – checks which we did not cash.

This letter is deeply personal, in my opinion, a message for my family, but I have a feeling it may be applicable to a much wider notion of “family”.

One of the last moments Kate and I had with my Mother, in a hospital, she died at Caroline’s home, not in a hospital; was after her stroke, Kate and I were in her room, and my Mother had this sudden time of perfect clarity of speech and thought, and said she was worried about me financially.

It just so happened that I had a lot of cash on me that night. I gave Kate one of those looks of are we on the same page; and Kate proceeded to close the door and pull the curtains. I then put my purse on her bed and began to take out twenty dollar bills. I covered her in cash, and she literally began to laugh out loud, with joy and utter peace; it was an amazing moment.

After looking and touching all of that cash, she looked at us each, and said; well I guess I do not have to worry about you two anymore.

God is faithful; that money was on its way to the bank, but I am glad it had not made it there yet.


“Here’s a little help with your deposit!

Friday 8th

Dear Jill,
Just a short note to thank you for the card & book, I’m enjoying both, but you notice I don’t send many cards it’s an economy measure.

But I’m praying about our finances and the demons of poverty which have been attached to us. Please don’t think that I am crazy for I’m not. But what is happening to us is a work of Satan not of God. For God’s plans & promises are to bless us, but after we’re under Satan’s big foot for so long we lose our faith entirely. That doesn’t mean that God has changed it only means that we have stopped asking & trusting. So as I told Caroline even if I don’t understand (and I don’t) I will trust!

I’m sending Mimi’s letter please write her.

Also I’ve had a strange experience I’ve found that it’s best for me to bring back all of the good memories of your father. It makes my life more pleasant, just to forget the bad & remember the good.

Life is strange by the time we learn how to do anything it’s already too late. I love you very much


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